This is a long-un!!!!
I had the pleasure of doing a workshop with the amazing Marianne Williamson, and it was just so enlightening, well, kinda for me, because I have already been practising a lot of what she said. So the workshop was on relationships, intimate relationships, and what she said made me laugh so much, well ok not laugh, but smile throughout the whole workshop.
So I shall write from a woman's perspective, because I really cannot write from a mans, as they really are from Mars, and I cant talk that lingo, but I so get it!!!!
Every woman I know, yes every woman I know moans about her man, he wont do the dishes, he really doesn't understand me, he doesn't cherish me, he doesn't respect me.....I could go on and on. I used to be one of those women....not anymore.
My change with Mem, was more to do with my own journey. I really had to let go of the ‘small stuff’, and come from a place of love. It was me or nothing. I was in such a bad place, that existing meant concentrating on only me. And whether he honoured that or not was a choice I had to make. Whether the relationship would last, was a risk I had to take. Bless him, he has honoured me, and let me be. I learnt so much by doing The Alchemy of Voice with Stewart Pearce. I leant to live in my true hearts note. I leant Ho O Pono Pono, to forgive ( you can read about the Ho O Pono Pono here) http://roobywhishes.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/ho-o-pono-pono-changed-my-life.html, http://roobywhishes.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/warningyou-may-fall-in-love-with.html. I had to look at Mem is a completely different way. I had to let go, and at first, and this is so true, it felt like I didn't care about him, because I wasn't telling him want to do....seriously....such a strange feeling. But it was just the transition.
So back to Marianne. She is so ‘natural’, and you feel like you have known her for years. She has amazing insight into relationships. And here are some of the insights she shared. And yes this all came from a woman!!!
Let him be. Who are you to judge him? Do you really know what getting it right looks like?? MW
When you met him, you loved him enough to want to stay, why are you trying to change him, and in all these years has he changed? So we all go into ‘nagging’ mode. When we nag him, we remind him of his mother, and no man...excuse the crudeness, will get an erection for his mother, because he doesn't find his Mother sexy!!!!!! He fell in love with us, when we were free of all this stuff!!!
Never ask a man for more, better, different, love, sex or affection. Dr Pat Allen
You don't have nagging rights, you have leaving rights.
He really isn't there to be who you want him to be, and what is the problem in you, that makes him not doing the dishes such a big deal. MW
And isn't that just it. because we are not happy within ourselves, we make all this stuff such a big deal.
Ok so some of you may be incensed with what I am writing, so you need to ask yourselves why...........so please do not read on, because it gets more intense!!!!!!!
We must become individual beacons of love. MW
What is it in you, that is causing the hurt?
Learn to love yourself, and what he does just will not matter anymore. And if what he is doing is just so bad, then you can leave.
So where do you start, and this is where Marianne’s knowledge came in.
Men need to have their thought respected, women need to have their feelings cherished. You cannot coddle his feelings, you need to coddle his thoughts, and he needs to coddle your feelings. MW
So we need to go back to the Goddesses that we are. This whole relationship thing is like a dance. Nature does it, so why won’t we? Women have been told to be more masculine, and men more feminine...sorry but it just isn’tt working. Now Im not asking you to be trodden on, and be in a relationship where you are abused or controlled.
I’m asking you to fall in love with yourself again.
Take time to meditate. We shower/bather our bodies every day. We need to cleanse our minds everyday. So this can be through some kind of mantra, and prayer. Find a way to clear all that mental clutter.
Even if he doesn't meditate and you do, the effects will ripple through the Universe. I had some pretty draining friends, who have thankfully moved out of my life. Mem doesn't meditate, yet the effect has passed to him. His draining friends have been put to one side, and he is so much happier now
Prayer is also so powerful. No this is nothing to do with being religious, its to do with belief in Divine, God. Ask God to help you.
Please work a miracle to dissolve the wall between us. Please send your Spirit so that we may live in our Divine partnership, So be it. Amen/Amin.MW
Whatever needs I have will be filled by me.MW
I take out ‘Goddess’ moments, where I light scented candles, meditate, take long luxurious baths, craft, have days out. Ok a lot of you are shouting, yes but you don't have kids. Ok I don't but I run a home, and a business, so life is pretty full. And can he not just take care of the kids for just 30 minutes each day so that you can have Goddess time? Most women work, so take time out when you come home, to cherish your self. And leave all that work stuff until the next day. Believe me, when he sees the change in you, he will offer to give you time out.
Embrace the feminine in you, don't expect it from him. You have the Divine Feminine Love energy in you. Remember it, and use it!!!!
And imagine that you are not just desirable to him, that your are desirable to everyone. SInce I have been on this journey, nearly everyone is so nice to me, from their heart. I have been shown acts of kindness, that I could not possibly have imagined. And when I give out Love, there seems to be a constant supply, it just never diminishes. Love is a treasure we all possess..use it, openly. Yes there was an occasion, recently, when I put up a post about Ho O Pono Pono on a group on FB, and the backlash was so hurtful. People were making such cruel comments, about not having enough money to do the course, so therefore I was being insensitive. It really hurt, because I was just trying to share my journey. I took time out to meditate on it, and realised that these people were so stuck, and so angry, that any outlet was good And I was that outlet. So I sent love, and forgave them. I can handle the anger, because I dissolve it with love. Simple as that
And paaaleeeese Stop beating yourself up about your body, hair, clothes. Your ego is just so ready to convince you of your ‘ugliness’, because this is a way of moving you away from loving yourself, from the light. Embrace your beauty, because you are just so beautiful. And it is a simple as that. Women are bombarded with ‘the perfect woman’ image all the time through the media....stop trying to be that woman....fall in love with yourself, and be irresistible!!!!! How can he love us if we are always moaning about the size of our butt!!!!
I am willing not to be that way, it is just a habit. MW
And remember, your are exercising a ‘new muscle’ so don't expect changes immediately.
I have been at it for about a year. Mem just does not get nagged anymore. Yes I am still learning so there are moments when I slip, but I know I am doing it, so I check myself. And guess what....he is more loving, more attentive, mentally, and physically, and even washes the dishes without out being asked. Yes he only does it occasionally, but it makes me so happy inside, that I didn't have to nag him, for him to do it. He is more loving towards his own Family, giving out more hugs than I have ever known him too!!!! AND, We dont argue anymore either.
A few weeks ago he rang me to say he was going out for a drink with friends after work. I asked him if he wanted to eat when he came home, and he said yes, and that he would be home by 8. So I cooked him a lovely meal. 8 o’clock came.....9 o’clock came so I called him and he said he was leaving the pub.....10‘o’ clock came....he came home a 10.30pm. Now normally I would have been fuming........drama queen, screaming, and crying, about how he has no respect, but I didn't say a thing. He was merry, and yes I was angry, but I had to wait till he was sober, and I was calmer!!!!!. So the next evening, when he came home from worked, I calmly told him that what he had done was hurtful. I didn't say...”this is how I feel”, I told him that I though that what he had done was disrespectful, and that next time it would be more considerate if he told me that he was going to be late”. And he listened, and apologised, and we ate the previous nights left overs. I know what had happened. He had gone out, was enjoying himself, and just got caught up in the whole moment...big deal?....of course not. Anyway, this week, he called to say that he was going out, and not to cook for him, so I cooked myself a light meal, and he came home at 9, absolutely starving, so had toast!!!!!! If I had done the whole nagging on the first occasion, he would have dome the same thing again...guaranteed!!!! And ,Yes he is messy, and still leaves his dirty clothes by the bed every night, yes he is still loud, and stuck in his ways, but, really, I can cope!!!!! He now shows me moments of pure unselfishness, and the feeling is just beautiful, like my nervous system is being massaged, an inner glee, which is just an amazing feeling.
Men really are very simple creatures (sorry to any men who are reading this, but you really are), and we truly can open them to Love. And Men, watch out,there will be some adorable Goddesses around, so step up.......If I can do it with Hubby, so can you
You both came together through love, and you both came together for a reason. Be free with your love. Dont hold it back, release it, and watch when it comes back to you. You will be lifted beyond belief, and you will shine, shine, shine
Enjoy the Dance Of Intimate Love
Goddess Rubina xxx
Oh and just a quickie card I made for my nephew during Goddess time!!!!!!